A
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Fabled beverage of choice among
Moulin Rouge-era bohemian frogs,
the original recipe is purported
to have contained wormwood,
a known poison with certain psychoactive
and/or narcotic properties.
The modern legal knock-off,
Absente, tastes like cold medicine
and promotes visions of little
but slothful drunkenness.
Factor in the whole sugarcube-
and-special-spoon ritual, though,
and certain bozo personality types like us
are gonna try and actually
drink this crap on occasion.
Makes the heart grow fonder.
Woody Allen
Inexplicably hilarious,
the Woodman's portrayal of the sniveling,
cowardly, quick-witted and big-hearted nerd
has crocheted its place into cinematic history -
a proud (if whiny) tradition extending
from Bob Hope and Danny Kaye
to Jason Alexander and Anthony Michael Hall.
Writer, standup, actor, director:
Allen has given all of us less-than-athletic,
bed-wetting, nail-bitting, tree-hugging,
flag-burning, adopted-daughter-f*cking,
bleeding-heart, pinko, n*gger-loving gaybaits a
neurotic, intellectual hero of our own.
Too bad he isn't Muslim.
Amelie
This French fable from a few years back ranks as one
of the few foreign films worth wading through subtitles to enjoy.
Its star, Audrey Tautou, is certainly among the loveliest of
modern actresses we've had the thrill of coveting in quite a spell.
In short, a contemporary classic.
Ann-Margaret
Carrot-topped supervixen charmed everyone from Elvis to Fred Flinstone.
Sergio Aragones
A marginal cartoonist during Mad magazine's early-seventies heyday,
Senor Aragones' mute gags and indefatigable doodles remain instantly
identifiable and every bit as enjoyable as when we were ten years old,
quite impressionable and still relatively sober.
Muchas gracias.
Louis Armstrong
Jolly, one-of-a-kind and perpetually stoned
jazzbo whose funky lips, languid phrasing
and sweetly braying vocals continue to sooth
and inspire casual listeners and music snobs
the world over.
High art with a horn.
Asheville, North Carolina
Boasting beautiful green mountains, rough and icy rivers
and oodles of friendly folk, Asheville remains the vacation
destination of choice for frazzled and overworked flatlanders
from Michigan to Miami.
No wonder the Vanderbilts chose this site to erect America's Largest Home.
Athens, Georgia
Situated just east of Atlanta, Athens offers visitors
a lively downtown brimming with funky coffee shops (Jittery Joe's),
cult-worthy record stores (Bizarro Wuxtry) and a still-vital
local music scene (post-B-52's, Pylon, REM and Widespread Panic).
Also home of the University of Georgia, though we try to overlook it.
Tex Avery
Godfather of Warner Brothers' original Bugs Bunny character,
Mr. Avery pioneered one of the most endearing and enduring
personalities ever to emerge from an artist's quill.
Homer, Cartman, Ren and Spongebob owe this man the moon.
posted by Jeff # 1:06 PM 
